Every man carries limiting beliefs that can hold them back. These are mostly subconscious. These are beliefs: assumptions that has been unwittingly absorbed from childhood, family, failure, fear, and our more negative experiences. These all determine the model of the world, how they see themselves in it and what they deserve. Some examples are:
"Emotion is Weakness"
Men often see stoicism as strength, while burying emotions instead of managing them. The problem being, emotions don’t just suddenly disappear they manifest into anger frustration, anxiety and even depression.
These beliefs can stem from childhood, where parents, caregivers and others often teach boys to be strong and brave. Just look at some of the superhero characters we grow up with. They face danger with calm and confidence, rarely showing fear or vulnerability. It’s no wonder that admiring these characteristics can lead men to believe that showing emotion is a weakness.
"I Have to Do it All By Myself"
Some men really struggle to ask for help, often viewing this as incompetence. This is how burn out can occur, on the surface men can appear capable but underneath they are suffering in silence. Asking for help is actually a sign of strength. Just look at the animal kingdom, where many species work in teams to ensure their survival
"I Am Not Good Enough"
This is one of the most common limiting beliefs experienced by both men and women around the world, but it simply isn’t true.
Take a moment to reflect on your past. Who told you that you weren’t good enough? Have you ever seen it written as a fact? More often than not, those messages were simply someone else’s opinion, not the truth. You might think, “I failed my driving test” or “I didn’t get the job I wanted.” But failing at something does not make you a failure. A setback, rejection or mistake does not define your worth.
Comparing yourself to others is equally unhelpful. No two fingerprints are the same. No two blades of grass are identical. We are all unique, with our own strengths, experiences and paths in life.
These are just a few examples of limiting beliefs. I’m sure, if you reflect for a moment, you’ll recognise some of your own.
Eliminating These Limiting Beliefs
Ask yourself: where did this thought come from?
Once you have some idea, remember that thoughts are not facts. Limiting beliefs are often assumptions we’ve accepted over time rather than truths we’ve proven. Ask yourself, “Where is the evidence?” Are these beliefs holding you back from opportunities, relationships or achieving your potential?
The good news is that beliefs can be changed, and when they do, new possibilities begin to open up. Change rarely happens overnight, but you can start making progress immediately by becoming more aware of your internal reactions to your thoughts.
Try this simple exercise. Bring to mind a happy memory and notice how it makes you feel. Pay attention to the emotions, sensations and thoughts that arise. Then think of a less positive memory and notice how quickly your emotional state changes. This demonstrates the powerful connection between our thoughts and our feelings. Change starts one thought at a time. By challenging and reframing negative beliefs about yourself, you can gradually weaken their influence until they no longer hold you back.
If any of you would like one-to-one sessions with me to do further work to break down your limiting beliefs please email me at askjune@uk-sas.co.uk, it is not a sign of weakness if you do.
June Brade
Mindfulness Coach